I’ve been unwell for a couple of weeks. I got to a point last week where I had to pull up stumps, call it quits for a few days and give my body time to heal. I really struggled, however, to make decisions for my own health and self-care, and it left me wondering why we find this so challenging.
Researchers at the Universities of Michigan and California also wondered if changing your story might assist us in making some of those decisions we find difficult for ourselves. They found it did and that three simple questions could assist in a more positive and self-caring outcome. This is often what we do in a counselling session when we reframe an issue and gain a new perspective.
Firstly, ask yourself - if you were a fly on the wall, what would you observe? When I was struggling physically last week, I needed to create some space between my feelings and the thoughts of concern about letting people down. Being a fly on the wall in my own issue allowed me to watch from a distance and notice that my thoughts and actions were not actually self-caring – they were punitive and harsh. I could also see me pushing myself instead of permitting myself to rest and to take a break.
Secondly, ask yourself - what would you expect if this situation happened to your best friend? What would you say to your best friend? What I noticed was that I would never have any issue advising my ill friend to take sick leave, to see a doctor, to get some rest, to leave the housework and to put themselves first in this situation in order to repair their health. So when I asked myself this question, I had to acknowledge that if I was going to treat myself with gentleness, as I would a friend, then I needed to rest.
Thirdly, ask yourself - if looking at this issue from the future affects the way you look at it presently? To look into the future by even a few weeks or a few months, I can see that I want to be healthy and well and in order to do that, I need to take some time now to get well. I need to make good choices now about rest and eating and sleeping. So then that has to change my outlook on the present to act in a way to impact my future.
So try asking yourself these three questions and seeing if it makes a difference to how you treat yourself and how you reframe your current situations.
