I have been managing migraines for twenty-three years with the help of neurologists, caring GP’s, physios, pharmacists, chiropractors, naturopaths and counsellors. Then there’s my family that has to keep caring and being compassionate. At times, I’m sure they feel like they’re running out of steam holding everything together whilst I am out of action dealing with migraines.
With my recent multi-day migraine, I realised I was frustrated about being unwell and when I was well, making up for being unwell. I am either out of action or working extra hard to fix up all the things I wasn’t able to do whilst unwell. Making up for lost time seems like the only think I am doing except for dealing with a migraine.
Self-compassion is the tool that I use to help me through this conundrum. Self-compassion has been acknowledged as having three components: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.
How does this work practically? To activate self-kindness, I need to sit with my feelings and acknowledge the pain attached to the migraine (emotionally and physically). After a migraine episode, I chose to sit and identify what I am feeling – what is actually going on for me – without judgement or self-criticism. Self-kindness looks like acknowledging that the migraine episode was difficult, challenging and emotionally I feel spent. I then chose to say some soothing words to myself and be my own best friend.
Common humanity relates to being part of the human experience. It is realising that chronic pain through migraines has isolated me socially. The suffering I experience during a migraine reminds me of my humanity and how others also live and exist with chronic pain conditions. Realising we are not alone can help us to reach out to others and talk to others about what has happened to me. It also helps me to not judge others who exist in chronic pain.
The third component of self-compassion is about using mindfulness to observe our thoughts and feelings, without avoiding the feeling and rumination. This can mean giving myself more space when planning my days after a migraine. This can look like sitting with a mindfulness app and taking ten minutes out to use a mindfulness practise tool. This can be going for a gentle walk and allowing my mind to zone out. Mindfulness practise improves stress symptoms and wellbeing and decreases anxiety and depression.
When I treat myself with self-compassion, I manage my ‘well’ time more effectively. I also recharge ready for the next migraine I may get. And I remind myself that my current reality is either having a migraine or living in the space between them and as a human, that’s pretty good.
