This is what I hear myself thinking as another caring soul tells me to try another headache removal technique they've used in the past. Most of the time I just nod and thank them for their supportive advice but I do wander away and feel more isolated. "Have you tried?," they ask over and over. Sometimes I am polite and thank them and other times I mumble something whilst I am thinking of taking their bag and hitting them over the head with it whilst shouting: "OF COURSE I'VE TRIED THAT!" But then I try to put myself in their shoes and realise that unless you've walked this journey, you really wouldn't understand migraines, so I smile gently, say something polite and walk away.
I've had clients ask me how to stay positive in the middle of the reality of a chronic condition. They explain how their migraines have robbed them of time and space, of fun times with family and friends, of reliability and capacity, of energy, exercise, of sun and food. At times, it feels like so much is stolen from you and you can't get it back. I know I lost many days of playing outside with my kids and evenings spent in bed vomiting and dry retching that could have been spent reading them a story or cooking their dinner. I've lost countless dates and dinners and previous engagements. I've lost the ability to manage as its just been too many days. I've lost so many days from work and catch-ups with friends and movies and concerts. Christmases, Easters, other public holidays, days off, annual leave - all gone.
Victor Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist who was a Holocaust survivor. He stated that:
"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
The one thing that no one can every steal from you is your attitude and how you manage suffering in your life. We can chose hope and we can chose to remain honestly optimistic about the future. I believe it is so important to be optimistic about what the future may hold - in terms of research and options and new revelations around medication or therapy or treatment. I have improved slowly and steadily as I have identified new treatments and new medications and attempted new ways of managing each migraine. I have also had to be incredibly honest with myself and my family and my neurologist that it can be tough to be in this lonely place. We must be honest and authentic about the suffering.
But then we chose hope.
