The other day I was waiting on a parcel to be delivered; but it didn’t come. I had purchased some soy candles that promised to make the room they sat in smelling like amazing flowers, dreamy oceans and chai tea on a chilly winter day. I had purchased these candles on purpose to cheer myself up and reward myself for having worked so hard in the middle of a pandemic and lock-down. They were a self-compassionate treat. Except they weren’t arriving and each day another day would pass without the knock on the door from the delivery man. I was becoming very impatient because I wanted them immediately to help me feel ‘better’, so I found myself having a ‘little sooky episode’ where I had decided everything was falling apart because this parcel hadn’t arrived. Nothing right was happening, especially not to me. I was feeling very sad and low about this situation and no amount of tea was fixing this little ‘flatness’. Does anybody else relate?
I caught up on some continuing professional education that I needed to listen to and I heard a very interesting comment; the suggestion was made by the facilitator to think about what the 80-year old me might say to myself about this pandemic and living through this period of time. I was to imagine being an 80 year old version of myself and if that version of me was sitting sharing a cup of tea with someone and they wanted to know about living through the pandemic and what I had learnt from it, then what would it be? What things would I have learnt through it?
I then had a quiet moment of reflection as I wondered if this could be a time of learning and growth as opposed to a time of impatience and frustration (although I am not sure you can completely get rid of those). I would really have rather, if I were honest, gone with the pity party idea because that seemed slightly fairer in the current state of play. But if you are going to do life in this “Man in the Arena” vulnerable setting then you can’t not look a good reflection in the face and take a deep sigh and get on with it. What was I wanting to learn out of this season? What would I be proud to look back on and acknowledge how hard and how trying that growth was in the middle of isolation and overwhelming and uncertainty? So, I pulled out my journal and wrote the question at the top of the page and I pondered with my 80-year-old self.
I am hearing clients say that they are learning that they are more resilient then they thought. That they have learnt some things that they thought were important before lockdown aren’t as important anymore. It has made things appear clearer and in better focus for some. Some know what they will focus on after lockdown, others know what they will stop doing and stop chasing when this is all sorted. For some it has been about values, about friends, about jobs and about hobbies.
So, I would encourage you to take out your journal or a piece of paper or your phone and write the answer to these prompters:
What would I want to learn from this season if the 80-year-old was me?
What sort of things would I be proud about in relation to my own personal growth?
What would I like to change about myself or work towards in myself?
If a miracle happened and I woke up tomorrow and was all new on the inside, what things would have changed?
Are there things that this pandemic has made clearer to yourself? Are there things you need to remove or things you need to add to your life?
